Which came first, online or RT (in your experience & do you prefer one vs the other)?

I’m always fascinated to hear how other people got involved with this online playground of financial fetish.  Our personal experiences are what base our perspectives & opinions on the scene~ how we work it and how it works for us.

I did realtime domination for many many years before I came online~ not by choice~ it was just circumstance, as there was no other choice in the late 80’s/early 90’s.  You explored your kinks with other people in person, face to face, hand to flesh, because that’s all there was and we never thought twice about it.  I’ve worked as a Pro Domme in dungeons, a Hostess Domme in bdsm nightclubs, had personal slaves who were used for manual labor, and I’ve had sex slaves of both the male and female variety.

I don’t claim to be an expert, I’m just a woman who does whatever I want and I happen to be lustful and perverted and willing to take chances to make my urges come to life.  These experiences are what shaped my point of view on how I present myself and interact with others in the online fetish scene.  I’ve been “online” since 2007, only a few years, a small blip in my life’s timeline, but it’s been a huge experience.  Sometimes an overwhelming one.  It’s very difficult for me to imagine engaging in a virtual fetish experience with a sub without my having the background that I do.  It’s no wonder so many newbies flail and fail.  It’s like being sent to war without weapons and proper training.

I saw a quote online that said it’s much easier to be a FinDomme than a sugarbaby, because it’s less work to be a Domme.  I have zero experience as a sugarbaby (again, not by choice, but simply because it’s just something I never considered~ perhaps if I went back in time, I may have tried this, too), so I don’t know if it’s hard work, or not, but I do know that is is, in fact, quite a bit of “work” to be an online Financial Dominatrix.  MUCH more work than it is to be one in “real life”, so I found that statement quite disturbing.

Online you are competing with other FinDommes 24-7 all over the world with new ones popping up every second.  By competing, I don’t mean literally “in a contest with”, but more so, competing to be seen, assuming your goal is to gain slaves and/or wealth.  I like using a cocktail party as a metaphor for socializing on the internet.  If you are at a cocktail party in real life, you are perhaps in a group of 10-30 people, right?  Provided you are not a wallflower, it should be easy to talk to everyone at the party, make some contacts, and perhaps bring someone home for the night.   Well, add a few thousand (?) to that total for the online party.. .lol, see what I mean?

So, how do you stand out? You may be the most interesting , the most dominant, the prettiest, the meanest, the sweetest, the sexiest, etc etc, but if your online voice isn’t loud enough, no one will hear you and if the men can’t hear your siren’s call, how will they know to lay gifts at your feet?

You have to market yourself.  You have to advertise, you have to socialize.  These things cost money and time and follow the simple rule of: “You get out what you put in”.  This is work, but for a lot of us, it’s a labor of love.  You also have to learn how to not waste your own time.  I see a lot of women complain about wankers wasting their time.  I’m a firm believer that no one can waste your time if you don’t give it to them in the first place.  This is one of the first lessons I learned when I came online and a very important one.

So, getting back to my original point~ had I not had the platform of experience in realtime that I do, I am not certain that I would have been able to just jump into online play.  It was difficult enough with the experience I do have.  Plus, I was lucky enough to meet some wonderful ladies who provided a support system of knowledge, experience, and friendship.  I was also lucky enough to gain a few loyal slaves whom are still with me to this day.  I had many positive experiences and I was able to just shrug off the negative ones.  Another important lesson: if it doesn’t affect your “real life” , let it go!

I view online domination/submission as second best to the real thing.  It will always be a substitute.. the bridesmaid and not the bride.  This is why I love mind fucking so much! In my opinion, it’s the closest a person can get to physical interaction.  I crave seeing the look on a boy’s face while I’m slapping him and verbally assaulting him.  This is not possible online.  I’ve learned how to use the visual word as my sword vs the spoken word.  I’ve learned how to use the art of ignoring in lieu of a good slap to the face.   My cosmic intimacy is what binds me to my boys, now… not my physical presence, just the thought of it is enough to bring them to their knees, both literally and virtually.

So, I ask you ladies (and boys, too!) those of you that have experienced both sides of the coin~ what came first for you and how has it shaped your experiences to date? Dominants, do you find anything harder or easier? Submissives, do you feel truly satisfied with a virtual Domme if you’ve had the “real thing” ?  I’m sure there are many more questions I could ask, but I’d love to have my readers just pipe in!

36 Comments

  1. mouser

    This piece is so well written and so well thought out. Your writing skills are matched only by your skills at dominating and deflating. I never experienced the “rt” world, but can imagine how skilled you were there. I appreciate your correction of the concept of “easy” as it relates to findommes.

  2. tim

    I visited many real time Dommes beginning in the 60s thru the 90s. It was a different world. I paid. We played. Went to places all over the States including several in NYC.
    When I got a computer the first thing I found was Humiliatrix.com and then Financial Slavery.net
    Most of the woman online are not dommes in the true sense. They know how to humiliate nothing more..Some better than others. The onslaught of newbies is overwhelming. Blame WR for some of that. I don’t know where he comes up with some of them
    I have “served a few of them and had contact with many in my various incarnations from Cheris Btch 7 to my current status as it.
    But only two have really seemed to know what they are doing and most resemble the Dommes of yore. Miss Tiffany who has her own web site but does not have twitter. And the best of all, believe it or not, an 18 yr old when I started with her. Soon to be 21. Miss Nikki daughter of Naomi Katana. Unfortunately she runs hot and cold as to whether she really wants to be an internet Domme. Presently she is not active.

    it

  3. Miss Pinky Galore

    thanks for your comment, jd, even though you strayed from the topic 😉
    What I was asking (short version) was: “If you have experienced both RT & online, which did you do first, and do you feel that it affected your feelings for the other and if so, how and why?”

    (edited to add: I have removed any and all of jd’s comments that were about his personal agenda and not related to the topic at hand)

    • JD

      O.k if your question is to simply ask:

      “If you have experienced both RT & online, which did you do first, and do you feel that it affected your feelings for the other and if so, how and why?”.

      I would of course say in Real Time Financial Domination would have to be the answer. Because obviously Computers for most people were non existent in the 1970’s when I had my first instance of a financial domination transfer/act.

      I think they are both o.k. My FD lives 1,700 miles away so obviously I cannot in person transfer her money to her. But I have visited her and did actual, in real time actual, in person actual transfers of money as well as shopping sprees and being in her presence.

      I would prefer to transfer in person and to transfer directly into her hand i the actual in person presence. But until I visit again (which is planned) the transfers are done online. Unless of course it is mailed. However, both are enjoyable.

  4. CommunitySlut

    As someone who has been around, on and off, online for the better part of the last 20 years, I find reading this to be illuminating. There are a lot of things that have changed, both online and in rt, over that time.

    It is fascinating to look back and wonder what it would have been like had I taken the plunge long ago and delved into the “real” world of D/s. That being said, there is nothing “unreal” about the online version (or better said:extension) of Domination and submission.

    However, with the mainstreaming of BDSM that has occurred over the last ten years, and the rise of a plethora of cookie cutter “dommes” and pseudo “subs” it is a highly competitive world, and it takes a lot of work to be a true Domina, or submissive, these days.

    …far more work for the Domme, clearly.

    Thank you for the post, it was highly illuminating.

      • CommunitySlut

        I regret having mentioned “cookie cutter” – perhaps it was a mistake on my part. It shouldn’t be taken as meant towards Dominas of any ilk (rt or on-line) and was meant solely as a way to point out that those who are NOT Dommes *OR* subs …

        All that being said, it is clear to me that a Woman need not be a Dominatrix to be dominant. Yet, while a male need not be a submissive to be in his rightful place beneath Women, he must work to accept his role and proper place and more importantly to be accepted by She would would put and keep him there.

        Unfortunately today, most would-be online sub ‘men’ are just dorks who are on-line pretending to be players.

  5. Anon

    Being an internet Domme and a RT domme can be virtually just as intense as the other. I for one hate how the older generation of Subs and Dommes are always talking about how Online domination is just purely Humiliation and thats all they can do. They are being shallow. This is a new generation, some people cant just drive to a dungeon. Some people have to hurry up and get dominated on online, or some people prefer to get dominated online because it can be alot more discreet. Also, being an online domme dosent make you any less of a dominant. There is ofcourse work that has to be put into it. You have to market yourself, and blah blah blah. Pinky and the older generation of subs make it sound like domination online is just express domination or a very easy alternative. it really bugs me. Just because i do online dosent mean that I want to STAY online. I think thats the difference. Sometimes online is just easier. you should judge a domme by how far she is willing to go for her subs and for herself. (i.e doing RT sessions, or just staying online) But in reflection, the older generations never like what the younger generation is doing. that will never change lol and i HATE the saying “cookie cutter domme” what does that even mean?! ughh..but i digress.

    just my thoughts…maybe i should write a blog about this..

    • Miss Pinky Galore

      Hi, thanks for your reply~ but I think you missed the point? You sound quite angry and I’m not sure why. I am asking for people’s personal experiences w/one vs the other and how it affects their perspectives and/or preferences. Both online & RT have their pros and cons to me, but ultimately, I do prefer RT. Is your comment made on your experience of both or are you just lashing out because you think I’m , as you say, “being shallow” ? If you truly think I’m being shallow, I ask you to calmly step back and re-read what I blogged. I’ve written about MY personal experiences and nowhere does it say that what I’ve experienced should be how everyone else feels. Thanks. If you are commenting on the other “commenters’ comments” , well then, I’d appreciate you keep my name out of it.

    • Miss Pinky Galore

      well let’s hope that “anon” doesn’t assume that you are the authority on definitions…but since the anon post came from you, jd, I’m not surprised to see you talking to yourself.

  6. Pingback: Domme DAILY FEMDOM BDSM FINDOM

      • An excellent post Miss Pinky x

        I share a similar background to yourself in as much that RT came first for Me too.

        Being a Domme who began practicing CP & Spanking in sessions in the real World here in the UK, I later discovered the online ‘scene’ (for want of a better term) in around 2007 which is when I found sites like MFDS and various other boards, long before the now Twitter revolution.

        In RT the nature of the tribute came into play as a prerequisite, and also the evolution of the sub/slaves purpose to Me, with this I would in some cases introduce findom in the shape of a monthly tribute, or gift requirements. Other subs / slaves of course would produce these such ‘tributes’ without direction and I guess this is how my ‘natural’ Financial Domination began. So discovering these enjoyments online were some what of a ‘bonus’ however One cannot cane or spank someone online although I can have a great deal of fun watching slaves attempting to do it to themselves for My entertainment and of course I can spank your wallet in the process.

        As far as online and the competition out there, I am confident to say that I do what I want to do as far as My fetishes are concerned, after all, that’s the way it is and should be. I know who I am, I know what I like and if there are boys out there that enjoy one or all of the fetishes that I engage in then fantastic. You will not however see Me coming out of My comfort zone, attempting to do as others do just for hits, follows, clip sales or whatever – to Me this is not a competition, a popularity contest or a race to the top and frankly I have nothing to prove. What you see online is a small part of what you could experience in the real World.

        The conclusion RT first online 2nd 🙂 xx

      • Goddess Candika

        Personally, RT came first for me. I spent many years doing 1-2-1 sessions and had an amazing time doing them, learning about myself and my style and how I could take others to places they had not yet experienced. I had a website made for me eventually, and a very steep learning curve ensued! These days I tend to do more online sessions rather than 1-2-1. I would say that I enjoy RT encounters only slightly more than online. Only because you have that tangible element that you can’t get from an online session. I’d definitely say that doing RT first really helped me in online. I can’t imagine doing it the other way around. That’s not to say I am dissing anyone who does, I just don’t think I could do it.

  7. Interesting topic, Miss Pinky. I like how you mention substituting the “visual word” for actual contact; or using ignoring online, for example, in place of a RT slap. Each medium offers different opportunities for dominant and submissive expression, obviously.

    I’ve had a few mildly flirtatious interactions on Twitter with a few dommes but I think in the back of my mind is always the idea that this only feels like an appetizer compared to the entree of RT. Maybe it’s because of my being older, but I just somehow feel resistant to the online experience, telling myself it’s less compelling. Not allowing myself, actually, to surrender to it. Partly because of financial concerns, certainly.

    As I’ve written on Domme Dose, the best experiences I had were with strippers with whom I verbally roleplayed as they danced for me, so that was RT. My experiences in dungeons with pro-dommes were good but not as compelling overall.

    Findom interests me as an observer, and I understand and can empathize with the impulses to tribute; but if I were going to spend a lot of money, I’d rather do it in RT, whether with regular interactions with a pro-domme or a favorite dancer.

  8. jx

    To me, it’s a dynamic, not a better/worse. For me, I always was kinky at heart, but found phone sex and the web (in all its various forms over the years, including online gaming) to be a safe and convenient way to explore, experiment and discover. From there, I have had many real-life experiences, but I maintain an online presence as well. I have had great real-life experiences and bad ones; great online experiences and bad ones. The web clearly has exposed more people to kink and helped them out of the closet; it has also flooded us with fakes, frauds and mere golddigging. For me, virtual domination has many advantages, not the least of which is that its distances allows for a purer illusion of control and forces me to use my own imagination against me more. Real-life domination of course has the advantages (and disadvantages) of direct interpersonal dynamics and nuances. The best dommes I ever met, I met online first. It also strikes me that the speed of online relationships is much faster; I can tell much more quickly if it’s going to last or disintegrate, which saves a lot of time in the end.

    What you’re asking is really just one facet of the essential modern question: what does socializing mean now? We have more communication than anytime in history, yet we also spend more time alone in rooms than ever as well. If you follow the thinking of someone such as William Gibson, who argues that we are all already cyborgs, our lives integrated with the Internet and other machines, then online and off-line are not actual dichotomies anymore. Teamviewer domination is one example of something difficult to replicate in real-life that has a unique charge due to a new modern way of life.

  9. anthony

    For me both online and rea-time both have pros and cons. i really do like online for a lot of reasons and appreciate it a bit more after seeing and serving a couple of Pro Dommes realtime.
    For example, it is much harder to serve a Pro, Real-time Domme, in any kind of real sense beyond the hour or so you schedule and pay for. It is also harder to develope that relationship to a point where there is any kind of contact outside the session. Now, if you are lucky enough to find a partner in a girfriend relationship or non-pro situation than nothing online could compare to that. But those types of situations are rare at best, and it involves exposing yourself and your desires (for both parties) and because of fear of rejection, alot of people aren’t willing to go there. If you are a true masochist, barely anything online will work, because even being directed to do things physically to yourself will never rise to the level a Domme in-person can do.
    For me, i started online, but at a point it got to be a bit less satisfing, and i craved the physical aspects. I started to see a Pro Domme, and it was wonderful, i let her have full control over the sessions, there direction, and really anything She wanted to do. It was great, W/we built a relationship of sorts, but i learned alot about myself and what i was looking for. i realized the fetish activities i enjoyed were quite superficial ( She was a sadist and in her opinion, as far as my pain threshold, considered me to be moderate to heavy). What i found i desired more was the handing over of control and giving a Domme the power to cause the physical aspects. Meaning i was more into control aspects not so much the methods.
    Online can be very good for those of us that truely enjoy power exchange, and mental aspects. I like a great session don’t get me wrong, but online, and especially with todays technology a lot can be done. i love chastity play, i like having to ask a Domme if i can go out on a saturday night. i enjoy the control of a Domme that makes me rearrange my schedule to suit her needs, or just to mess with my head. Online also has the possibilities of a lot more contact on a personal level that unless you are independently wealthy you coudn’t get with a Pro Domina, until you at least served her for a very long time.

    So, Online is great, and there are a lot of things i like about it versus paid realtime sessions, but if you are lucky to have found someone to explore with in a real time lifestyle relationship, than online can’t compare.

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